I know I haven’t been on here in absolutely ages but I just had the weirdest dream of my life and need to share it:
I was walking my dog when I looked up and realised she was sitting on the back of 2 bears and in between the bears there was a lion walking along with sausages dangling behind him. I started laughing, apologised to the circus strong man that was walking these animals and called my dog away. When she finally responded and jumped down she noticed the sausages in between the lions legs and despite me calling her away and trying to grab hold of her she ran after the sausages until one managed to fall away and she strolled over to me looking very happy with herself. Unfortunately the lion noticed this, walked up to my dog on its hind legs, and then tried to rape her. Despite both mine and of course Sidney’s obvious distress, the circus strong man just tutted and in an extremely camp voice went “ooh he’s a raunchy one!”
Then I woke up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY MIND?!
Why do my old friends from primary school keep breeding?
Well it’s taken me long enough to remember why I hate being at home - my dad’s a fucking bellend.
I’m trying to save my parents some money so for my birthday I’m asking for stuff I need for uni and I think this is possibly the saddest list I’ve ever made:
It’s gonna be a wild one this year.
Well I was not expecting that.
Apparently I’ve lost just over half a stone since going to uni.